Restoration through forgiveness
Easter is a season where we remember the greatest sacrifice made in order for us to come into relationship with God the Father. He demonstrated forgiveness toward us for everything we have done or will ever do, therefore let us have the same heart by forgiving others.
Real hurts do not come out of the ground or out of the bushes. Deep hurts come from other people, and don't heal except through the process of forgiveness.
To be really free from the problems and hurts of our past and to be free from the consequences that continue to afflict us, we must forgive.
This is a godly absolute and God absolutely will not change His stand on this and forgive and release, give up resentment, let it drop and you will be acquitted and forgiven and released'. Luke 6:37b (AMP). 'Do not be deceived and deluded and misled; God will not allow Himself to be sneered at, scorned, disdained or mocked by mere pretensions or professions or by His precepts being set aside. He inevitably deludes himself who attempts to delude God. For whatever a man sows, that and that only is what he will reap'. Gal 6:7 (AMP)
We often pray 'and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us' Matt 6:12. Do we sincerely do it? People often say 'O I've forgiven. It does not matter anymore to me' and pass forgiveness off as nothing so important, but they don't really understand the seriousness that God attaches to the issue of forgiveness. Jesus said 'if you forgive people their trespasses, their reckless and wilful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive ? neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses. Matt 6:14-15.
Forgiveness is not
? a feeling
If you're waiting for some 'lovey-dovey' sensation to come over you or waiting till you feel like forgiving, you're really going to have a long wait. Pushing your hurt far back into the recesses of your mind does not mean you have forgiven the person who hurt you. As time passes, our memory will fade and the hurt will become more distant but time alone can't heal the wounds only God can heal the heart.
? pretending you were not hurt
Pretending and forgiveness is not the same thing. Do not shove the incident under the carpet. Do not pretend what happened to you did not really hurt you, that is not a real issue to your heart. The hurt is real.
? saying what the person did was not wrong
Sometimes we feel that if we forgive, we're actually declaring that what the other person did 'was not so bad'. That is like trying to say it was not all that wrong, must have been my fault because I was at the wrong place. On the other hand, if you said 'O that is okay', after the person has come to say sorry, you are giving the person permission to do the same thing again. The proper response is 'I forgive you'
? having to trust the person straight away
We need to allow those who have hurt us the opportunity to prove themselves trustworthy in the future. Trusting only comes as we get to know someone and believe in the person's character. This is why I trust God because I am confident in His character.
Forgiveness does not mean you make yourself totally vulnerable to that person and leave yourself open for another emotional, verbal, physical, mental assault or else you'll choose never to forgive.
? not relieving other people of their responsibility
Our thoughts usually follow this kind of logic 'they really hurt me. If I forgive them, they are going to walk away free. They are not going to face up to what they did and not going to have to answer for their wrong actions and they may most likely do the same thing again'
We often think that forgiveness is letting people go away free without answering for their wrong actions. We cannot relieve anyone of their responsibility; we just do not have that ability. God is completely capable of making sure that a person is held accountable. He alone can cleanse us by His grace. On accepting the responsibility for our wrong attitudes and the un-forgiveness in our hearts, we are able to release God to work in a greater way than ever before in the heart of the person who we struggled to forgive.
Forgiveness is
? a decision
It is possible to forgive even though there is nothing within us that feels like forgiving. Because we Christians live our lives by faith and trust in God's grace and strength, we can forgive by faith. Faith is 'the assurance, the confirmation, the title deed of the things we hope for , being the proof of things we do not see and the conviction of their reality, faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses' Hebrews 11:1 (AMP). Even though some decisions are very difficult, God has given us the ability to make them. It is an act of our will, not our emotions. It is not true to say 'I can't forgive'. What you are actually saying is 'I won't forgive'. Jesus said ' and when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop, leave it, let it go, in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your own failing and shortcomings and let them drop. Mark 11:25 (AMP)
? a decision I make
No one can make this decision for you. Not even God. Only you can decide to forgive with your heart, with God's help. If you do not forgive, there are crippling consequences of un-forgiveness (a decision not to forgive) which you will have to live with.
? a decision to obey God
Forgiveness is a choice of obedience to God and it is something that can take place in the privacy of your heart. Forgiveness is not a suggestion. It is a commandment Luke 6:37. This brings about God's freedom and liberty in our lives
? getting your own heart right before God
We must have our hearts right before God before we go out and talk to someone. 1 John 1:9 Psalm 86:5. This is when God can use us to communicate forgiveness, restitution and reconciliation to other person.
? is a lifestyle
Forgiveness is not a one time act, but rather a maintained lifestyle. Luke 17:4. Matt 18:21
Barriers to forgiveness
Un-forgiveness (a decision not to forgive) has two 'cousins' ? resentment and bitterness
Resentment is an exchange. It is saying 'if you are going to do that to me, I'll send it right back', 'they never call me, so I won't call them', they never write me, so I won't write them'. If someone walks through the door and that person's presence causes your blood pressure to rise, then there is an issue with resentment. If someone's name is mentioned and you get a 'check' because it reminds you of another person with the same name, that's evidence that there is something wrong. Any person or memory that makes your blood pressure rise should give you an indication that something in your past has not yet been resolved.
We are not aware of un-forgiveness in our hearts towards someone unless we are daily battling with negative emotions. The issue is not how often you think of that person, but rather what happens when you think about them!
Bitterness kills spiritually, emotionally and physically. What happens when you recall a certain situation, what goes on inside? There is no guarantee that after you've forgiven, you won't be hurt again. Guaranteed you will most certainly be hurt. Forgiveness is not saying I'll forgive, but just this once!' It is a lifestyle. If someone hurts you, and you react in a sinful or wrong way, then that makes you as wrong as the one who hurt you. A wrong reaction is just as bad as a wrong action.
If you refuse to forgive (or say you can't), what you are actually saying is that holding to your hurt is more important to you that going on with God and your spiritual life will stay where it is until you are able to forgive and release the hurt. Forgiveness will help you become the woman or man of God that He intends you to be. John 8:32, 8:36